just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
