Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize