you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
