It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
