I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize