After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Are we still banned from the library?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
