apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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