no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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