I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
