Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize