Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
