Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
