I bet he comes in French.
Someone shit on the floor
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
