I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My vagina just recognized that song.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
