I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
