before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize