1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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