Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
