one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He felt like a one man threesome
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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