Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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