Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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