u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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