I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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