dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
