i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
