mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
