i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
