thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's never too late to be topless.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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