Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
