It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
