I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
