they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
