Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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