so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
