my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
