Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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