The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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