I should be sponsored by Trojan
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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