Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
