he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
