I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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