your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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