Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
ok first of all what the fuck
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
