dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
