is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize