I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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