She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
