I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize