You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
