her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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