hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
