I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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