It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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