dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
