Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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