Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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