I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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