i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
