He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
