I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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