Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
