I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
