And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
