Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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