We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
