they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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