In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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