is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
