Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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