the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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