It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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