hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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