Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
