First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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