im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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