you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
