I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
