..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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